Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyon! I hope everyone has a blessed Holiday season!

Verbal Abuse - Denial

According to Patricia Evans, denial is another form of verbal abuse. Denial occurs when the abuser outright denies the partner's reality and experiences.

Some examples of statements that deny a partner's experience and/or reality are:
"We never had that conversation."
"That never happened."
"I never said that."
"You're making all of that up."

Although the abuser knows these things have occurred, he or she tells his or her partner they did not in order to make him or her doubt one's experiences and reality.

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Verbal Abuse - Countering

Countering is a form of verbal abuse in which an abuser tries to dominate or control his or her partner and/or his or her partner’s reality, experiences, and/or feelings, according to Patricia Evans.

Evans remarks in her book The Verbally Abusive Relationship that when an abuser constantly counters his or her partner, the partner cannot truly know what the abuser thinks or feels.

Countering is a tactic in which an abuser will tell his or her partner that he or she is wrong – that one’s reality, feelings, perceptions, and thoughts – are wrong.

Here are some examples of countering.

Example 1:

Partner: I think the acting in that movie was done really well.

Abuser: How can you say that? The acting was horrible!

Example 2:

Abuser: That doctor didn’t know what he was talking about. I wonder if he even went to medical school.

Partner: You didn’t think he knew what he was talking about? I actually thought he seemed very intelligent about his subject matter.

Abuser: You’re wrong.

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Brain abnormalities in recovered anorexic individuals

A colleague of mine wrote this article on a recent study of individuals who had recovered from Anorexia Nervosa:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/465252/anorexia_nervosa_patients_have_different.html

Increase suicide rates

This new report from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) really reiterates the importance of recognizing signs of suicide and the efforts mental health professionals, teachers, parents, and clergy should be making in suicide prevention.

You can view the report here.

Additionally, you can learn to identify the warning signs of suicide here.

Erasing memories

Scientists Find Drug to Banish Bad Memories

This is very interesting. I wonder in what cases it would actually be better to forget that something happened? Aren't we, as humans, supposed to remember things, even bad ones, so that we can learn from them?

Verbal Abuse Disguised as Jokes

Trigger warning: This post contains details of verbal abusive situations.

Verbal abuse is often disguised by jokes by the perpetrator. These "jokes" are cutting, getting to the partner's core. They often demean the partner's femininity or abilities.

Some examples are:
~Boy, are you easily entertained.
~What else can you expect from a woman?
~You couldn't find your head if it weren't attached.

When/if you tell your partner that you do not think his "jokes" are funny, he may snap at you or tell you that you are too sensitive or that you cannot take a joke.

Do not think there is anything wrong with your sense of humor. These "jokes" are not funny, they are abusive.

Verbal Abuse - Undermining

Trigger warning: This post contains details of the things verbal abusers may say and do. This post may trigger memories of verbal abuse.

Underming is a tactic verbal abusers utilize to dampen his partner's enthusiasm, happiness, or excitement.

Undermining includes anything a partner uses to dampen your excitement. Some examples might include the following phrases:
-Who cares?
-That's stupid.
-Nobody asked you.
-Who asked for your opinion?
-Who are you trying to impress?
-What makes you think you're so smart?
-You'll never make it.
-It's over your head.

In her book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Patricia Evans even describes a situation in which every time one woman sat down to study, her partner took on a very concerned look and asked if she was OK. Over time, the woman became very anxious about studying, something she had originally been very enthusiastic about.

When you are constantly undermined, the verbal abuser tears at your self-esteem by making you feel as if your opinions, thoughts, and feelings don't matter.

Verbal Abuse: Withholding

Trigger warning: This entry contains detailed description of verbally abusive behavior.



Verbal abuse, unlike physical abuse, can be overt or covert. It isn't always obvious to the victim/survivor or her loved ones that she is being abused.



14 categories constitute verbal abuse, one of which is withholding.



Withholding occurs when one partner withholds affection, information, thoughts, and feelings from his partner. When one person in a relationship withholds, intimacy cannot be created. Survivors of verbal abuse who have experienced withholding say they do not know what they did "wrong" to be ignored.

Some examples of withholding might include:

-a partner withholding affection from you until you do what he wants you to do.

-refusing to give you information about where he is going, when he is coming back, about financial resources, and other forms of information.

-withholding material resources - in marriage, especially, withholding a promised food budget, bill payments, etc.

-refusing to answer questions, make eye contact, etc.

-withholding affection and comfort when you need it.

-ignoring you.

Over time, withholding damages self-esteem. The mistake many survivors of verbal abuse make, including myself, is that they try to "fix" the problem. They desperately try to figure out how to make the abuser happy so that he will quit withholding.



The truth is, there is absolutely nothing you can do to please your abuser to get him to quit withholding from you. Withholding, like all other abusive behaviors is about power and control.