Consequences of Verbal Abuse

Not only is verbal abuse hurtful at the time of abuse, it has lasting consequences as well.

Individuals who endure verbal abuse on a regular basis, such as from parents, close friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, fiances, and/or husbands/wives, suffer many psychological effects.

Those who endure verbal abuse may experience any number of the following side-effects of the abuse:

-Low self-esteem
-Low self-confidence
-Decreased enthusiasm
-Distrust in other relationships
-Doubting one's ability to communicate effectively
-Doubting one's own perceptions
-A feeling that he or she must be "on guard" all of the time
-The development of an internal "critical voice"
-A tendency to analyze/examine situations to try to figure out what he or she did "wrong"
-Self-doubt
-Wishing he or she wasn't the way he or she is
-Fear that one is crazy or going crazy
-Wanting to run away or escape
-Hesitancy in accepting one's own perceptions and/or coming to conclusions

When the victim of verbal abuse doubts himself or herself, his/her perceptions, thoughts, experiences, and feelings, the verbal abuser feels confident that he or she is successfully gaining control over the person he or she is abusing.

Verbal Abuse - Undermining

Trigger warning: This post contains details of the things verbal abusers may say and do. This post may trigger memories of verbal abuse.

Underming is a tactic verbal abusers utilize to dampen his partner's enthusiasm, happiness, or excitement.

Undermining includes anything a partner uses to dampen your excitement. Some examples might include the following phrases:
-Who cares?
-That's stupid.
-Nobody asked you.
-Who asked for your opinion?
-Who are you trying to impress?
-What makes you think you're so smart?
-You'll never make it.
-It's over your head.

In her book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Patricia Evans even describes a situation in which every time one woman sat down to study, her partner took on a very concerned look and asked if she was OK. Over time, the woman became very anxious about studying, something she had originally been very enthusiastic about.

When you are constantly undermined, the verbal abuser tears at your self-esteem by making you feel as if your opinions, thoughts, and feelings don't matter.

Eating disorders as coping mechanisms

Eating disorders are coping mechanisms.

When one focuses on food, weight, and his or her body image, he or she is avoiding the emotions that underlie the disorder.

A girl's parents get a divorce and she uses self-starvation to deal with her feelings of guilt, hurt, and sadness.

A boy is bullied at school and he uses binge eating in order to stuff his feelings of inadequacy, rejection, and shame.

Oftentimes, individuals who suffer from eating disorders aren't even aware of why they are using them as coping mechanisms. The goal of therapy is to uncover the underlying issues, to raise self-esteem, and to learn how to cope with feelings healthily.

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