Mother's Day for Everyone

While Mother's Day is a joyous occasion for some, for others it is a very difficult day.

For individuals who can truly celebrate their mothers, look on their pasts and have fond memories of their mothers, I hope you have a great day celebrating with your moms. Spending some quality time with you mom on this special day will make great new memories for you and your mom.

However, for those who find this day difficult, I hope you find a way to nurture yourselves today.

For some, this day brings forth sadness, loneliness, and loss, as when a loving mother has passed away. For others, today brings forth anger, resentment, and confusion, as with individuals who were abused or neglected by their mothers, abandoned, or for those who do not have good relationships with their mothers.

It is sad and unfortunate when you lose a loving mother or when your mother was the perpetrator of abuse or neglect. Mother's Day can be very painful for you. I think it is important to find ways in which you can nurture yourself on difficult days, such as these. Here's some ideas:

-Take a nice bubble bath
-Read a good book
-Write, draw, or paint
-Treat yourself to a yummy dessert, dinner, or special drink
-If you are Christian, pray, read your Bible, and spend some quality time with God
-Write an old friend a letter or catch up with him or her over the phone

Whatever you do, just make sure you are nurturing yourself and giving yourself permission to relax.

I hope everyone finds a way to feel nurtured today.

Mean Girls - What They Are and How to Cope

While aggression in teen boys tends to be physical, aggression in teen girls is often expressed in relationships. While adolescent boys use their physical strength as a weapon, adolescent girls use their relationships with their friends as weapons.

Relational aggression can include any and all of the following:
-Gossip - personal information about the victim is shared without her consent.
-Isolation - where a victim is somehow prevented from socializing with her friends.
-Humiliation
-Betrayal
-Lies
-Exclusion
-Spreading rumors about the victim

Relational aggression is not only hurtful when it is happening, it can also have long-term consequences for the victim of "mean girls'" behavior.

Studies have found that long-term consequences of relational abuse include, but are not limited to: depression, suicide, low self-esteem, loneliness, anxiety, and adjustment problems.

Parents should keep an open communication with their teens about relational abuse.

Some of the signs that your teen may be suffering from "mean girl" behavior include (but certainly are not limited to):
-A sudden disinterest in spending time with friends she once spent time with.
-Avoiding talking about friends she used to talk about openly.
-Isolating herself.
-Depression.
-Anxiety.
-Drop in self-esteem.
-Skipping school.
-Poor academic performance.

If you think your teen may be experiencing relational abuse, please talk to her about what she is experiencing. It is also wise to alert school officials to the problem and who is involved in victimizing your daughter. School officials are more aware and responsive to this behavior than they were a decade ago.

In order to avoid long-term damage to your daughter's self-esteem, please take her to a counselor or have her see the school counselor. Remind her that she is worthy and beautiful just the way she is.

Please do not ignore relational aggression. Seek help if you think your daughter (or son) is being victimized by her (or his) peers.

Self-Harm and Suicide

Most people think self-harm is an indication that someone is trying to kill oneself. I have known several colleagues who have even thought this about their mental health clients. However, contrary to the belief, self-harm is not a suicide attempt, nor is it necessarily an indication that someone wants to kill himself or herself.

Self-harmers often have to use this unhealthy coping mechanism to SURVIVE their circumstances. Self-harmers often come from abusive, neglectful, or otherwise traumatic backgrounds.

It is vital that you talk with a self-harmer about their intentions when they self-harm before assuming that they want to kill themselves.

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